And a handful of conversations.

Published 11 October, a slice of my life as a young boy:

Me: "Where does thunder and lightning come from?"
Mom: "It's when God goes bowling in heaven. Every time he makes a strike, all the lights in the bowling alley go off."
Me: "But why is it always raining when he goes bowling?"
Mom: "He's really good at bowling. He always beats the angels and they cry when they lose."
Me: "Poor angels! Don't cry, angels! I can't even bowl at all!"


27 October, at the front desk.

Him: "Is the ground floor the same as the second floor?"
Me: "No..."
Him: "So what's 'G'?"
Me: "The ground floor."
Him: "Ground?"
Me: "Yes. 'G' for 'ground.'"
Him: "And what's '2'?
Me: "The second floor."
Him: "So where am I right now?"
Me: "The first floor."
Him: "And how do I get to the second floor?"
Me: "By going up. You can use the elevator or these stairs."
Him: "Up to G?"
Me: "No. Up to 2."
Him: "TWO?!"
Me: "Yes."
Him: "This hospital is so confusing!"
Me: "Yes, sir. Labyrinthine."


1 November, in the elevator:

Her: "Como estas, David?"
Me: "So far so good."
Her: "I said it in Spanish!"
Me: "Well, I said it in English."
Her: "You're supposed to reply in Spanish."
Me: "Okay, do it again."
Her: "Como estas?"
Me: "'In Spanish!"
Her: "I think God punishes me every time you speak."
Me: "How?"
Her: "You speak."


8 November, leaving the intensive care unit with my partner, Nerf:

Patient: "Wait, we forgot my shoes. Go back for them, please?"
Nerf: "What do they look like?"
Patient: "Big white things. Can't miss them."
Nerf: "Big and white? Like Dave?" [laughs]
Me: "Well, your shoes wouldn't be very useful if they're anything like me."
Patient and Nerf (unison): "Why?"
Me: "Because they'd be ginger... and they'd have no SOLES!"
Nerf: [moment of stunned silence; then, whispering] "Goddammit, Dave."


14 November, the emergency room (this entry entitled, "Why I love having the occasional young, clever, good-humored patient"):

Me: "Are you able to stand and walk?"
Him: "Yeah, I'm walking."
Me: [German accent] "Ah, ist valken und talken?"
Him: "Ja, und drinkin und stinkin!"
Me: "Alle be stinkin, but drinkin ist gut."
Him: "Ja, dat's gut!"
Me: "In die boot."
Him: "I said gut gut?"
Me: "In die boot."
Him: "Du vanna do it in die boot?"
Me: "In die boot!"
Him: "He do it in die boot!"
Me: "DAAAAAS BOOOOOOOT!"
[short but explosive peal of laughter from both]
[pause]
Him: "No homo though."
Me: "Check."

15 November, the nuclear medicine dept.:

Tech: "What's up?"
Me: "I'm here for that outpatient."
Tech: "Oh, I accidentally made two calls for the same patient. Go ahead and cancel yours."
Me: "Got someone on the way?"
Tech: "Yeah. Sorry about that. The guy got entered twice."
Me: "That sounds painful."
[pause]
Tech, another transporter, and transport nurse all in mildly disgusted unison: "AAAAAAAWWWWWWWHHHHHHH."