The Essence of Manliness

Just as I was about to pop into the shower, I was suddenly startled upon looking in the mirror.

I proclaimed aloud, "Sweet Mother of Moses! Who are you, you remarkably sexy creature just exploding with marvelous masses of masculinity, and why are you in my bathroom?!"

The man in the mirror replied, "I was trying to break into your home unnoticed, and when I heard you coming I hid behind what I assumed to be a mirror made of one-way glass. Turns out it's more of a window, actually. I will be going now. Please accept this door-frame grease as a gesture of my apologies. It is designed for widely-built fellows like yourself to fit through narrow openings."

I quirked a brow at him, quizzically. "For a moment, my friend," I ventured, "I thought you might be my reflection, for not only am I clad in naught but a towel, but also you seem to exude a similar sort of manliness as I, myself, am wont to do. So I must now ask: why, sir, if you are breaking into my home, are you, yourself, dressed in naught but a towel? Wielding a jar of grease meant for slipping large things through small openings, no less?"

Climbing gingerly out from behind my ersatz mirror, a hand over the front fold of his towel to preserve his dignity, the man replied, "I am not rightly sure."

My confusion giving way to anger, I grabbed the jar from him and bellowed, "Well, I should say you will leave NOW, or I will find myself inclined to use this unusually specific product in ways not sanctioned by its manufacturers! Have at you!"

And he left in a flash... but as I attempted to give chase, I realized what a great boon he had handed to me; had I but used his gift in the spirit he had given it to me, I might have fit through the door to follow him. Chagrined but safe, I proceeded to shower, lamenting that soon I would nevertheless have traces of door-frame grease all over my person for the remainder of the day once attempting to leave the bathroom.