To She Whom I Miss

10 November 2012

My Estranged Lover,

You didn’t come to bed last night. You’ve done this before, but last night felt different somehow. Perhaps it’s the colder weather we’ve been having; I don’t know. All I know is that I laid awake waiting for you, saying to myself, “She’ll be along eventually.”

You weren’t along. Eventually. Ever.

Minutes turned to hours, each long span of shivering loneliness punctuated by a small needle to my heart. Each needle, a doubt. A nagging voice telling me to wonder who you’re with. A subtle taunt telling me I already knew.

You might not know that I was talking to several friends last night. Each in turn bade me sweet dreams as they reported -- no, BOASTED -- that you were soon to swaddle them in your bosomy warmth. That in moments you would press against them, all my friends -- perhaps you’d tackle this one lovingly, throwing your arms around his neck and thrusting him with playful, romantic aggression into bed so that you could work your charms on him. Or her, who said she meant to “catch” some of you -- perhaps you’d invite her to bed, crawling up her body slowly, like some tempting serpent bent on smothering her with the love you were denying me. Or the other, who claimed to be too tired for anything at all -- he must have been an easy mark, no? Just take him by the hand and lead him to bed where he’d fall right down for the pleasures you’d give so freely to anyone but me. So quickly they all fall to you. You must be laughing at me.

Have I done something to you? Have I not expressed my gratitude every morning when we part ways? Have I not stretched and yawned and, despite rueing the day ahead, found a little light in the darkness knowing that you were with me all night? What dreams would I have without you? What peace of mind would I be denied if you left me? Have I not, again and again, told anyone who’d listen how I need you, how I love you, how a few scant hours with you is never enough?

I can be enough, dearest. Please -- come back to me tonight and let me show you that I can be enough for you, my darling.

I miss you, my dear mistress Sleep.

Ever and restlessly yours,
Dave.